So you keep hearing all of this talk about “The Five V’s” and how they have helped so many people, but you still don’t understand what they are? Look no further, here is a small explanation of The Five V’s and how they can help your life. Although I would love to give a complete lesson in this post, I would have to write the whole book here to give a complete explanation. So, I will just write a few things about it in this blog post. For a more complete look, please feel free to find “The Five V’s” book on my site here and also on other retailers such as Amazon.
THE FIVE V’s
Five simple words, all starting with the letter “V.” More importantly, they are 5 powerful words that you can use to navigate any situation where you feel stress, discomfort, fear, anger… or any negative feeling you may encounter.
VICTIM: It may seem confusing why the first V would be Victim. Especially since the word has such a negative and scary connotation. Well, in my opinion – it is a word which not only defines some people, but it also sets in motion thought patterns and actions in our lives which probably wouldn’t have been there had we not experienced the feeling of being a Victim. Victim thinking includes, “poor me,” “why me,” “why not me,” and many other versions of feeling like you have been robbed or duped out of some happiness you feel that you have a right to experience. A Victim of today often becomes the Villain of tomorrow. If you feel you have been Victimized in ANY WAY – that can silently set in motion, self defeating and limiting thinking and behaviors which will not only affect you and your life, but also those around you.
VILLAIN: Once the Victim situation has occurred in your life, whether it is someone shutting down your self-expression, harming you or not providing the support you needed, the Victim thinking pattern can begin. After the Victim thinking pattern begins, we start to change the way we present ourselves to the world. We may start to close ourselves off, keep from connecting to those around us, take from others to ‘get ours,’ become controlling, or become anti-social. Some even go a step further and start harming those around them to satisfy the damaging self talk or thoughts we develop from being a victim.
When we are stuck in the Victim / Villain cycle, it never seems to get better or resolve. Our problems pile up, relationships go bad, we become increasingly unhappy with ourselves or others and there seems to be no way to get out of it until we acknowledge the negative and limiting self talk which the Victim / Villain voices feed us with constantly. (whether we are aware of it or not)
VISCERAL: So how do we recognize when we are in the Victim / Villain thought cycles? We use our body’s Visceral messaging system. The Visceral messaging system is ALWAYS on. If we feel disturbed inside, it is because there is a “lie” about our worth, or the others around us happening inside. The feeling lies mostly in our “gut,” but can also fill our whole body with what we have come to know as the “stressed” feeling, or fear, or worry. I recommend that we check our Visceral throughout the day to see where we are at. Where there is a Victim / Villain side to the Five V’s, there is also another side, the Vulnerable / Vested side. Our Visceral will let us know which side we are residing in. Where one side feels stressed and disturbed Viscerally, the other side feels calm and secure. This 3rd V is merely a sounding board for you to self reflect and figure out which action to take.
VULNERABLE: Many people do not like that I chose this word to be the 4th V. It often causes fear in my clients who have a pre-defined meaning of what it is to be Vulnerable. Vulnerable is simply the act of being open to change and experiences. Most of my clients come to me stuck in a pattern of Victim / Villain thinking and do not know how to get out of it. When I mention becoming Vulnerable, they often shrink away from the suggestion. I need to explain that Vulnerable isn’t going out and becoming a “sucker” for everyone you encounter. Vulnerable isn’t “weak” either. Vulnerable is being brave enough to take some healthy risks. With so many people afraid to step outside their comfort zone due to past hurts and failures, it is easy to see how they have succumbed to the Victim / Villain thinking. A person stuck in Victim / Villain thinking will settle for less than they are capable of in order to keep from feeling let down, or failing again. The Villain mindset will sabotage that persons life if they stay there. But if they begin to become Vulnerable, they will be willing to fail, or lose. When we try our best, but still fail, we can check our Visceral to see if we have done our best, and if we have, we can learn from that experience and better set ourselves up for the next adventure. The one thing about living life is that we only get to do it once… this time around. There is no re-set button, so if we can be Vulnerable to experience all that we can around us, we will have won. If we refuse to engage in the situations or opportunities in front of us, we have already lost out to the Villain which is out to stop us from living our best life. I encourage you to take chances (not place yourself in harm – check your Visceral and listen to what the ‘true truth’ is inside of you). The only regrets we will have in life is the things we wanted to do, but never tried.
VESTED: Oh, my favorite word here. Vested. Vested is THE TRUE TRUTH about ourselves. Many people are only “invested” in who they think they are. When I was younger, I swore that I hated artichokes. I grew up and still was “invested” in the truth that I hated artichokes. Until one day I pondered why I hated artichokes. I didn’t know why. So, I got Vulnerable and took a risk. I went to the grocery store and bought an artichoke, I then looked up online how to cook that artichoke and I cooked it. I created a sauce which sounded good for dipping and when I ate this artichoke, I was like “Oh my goodness… this is amazing!” At that moment, the Vested truth was there. I actually like artichokes. Where had I gotten the idea that I didn’t like them? I don’t know. But I now knew the truth because I got Vulnerable enough to go try something new, even if I hated it. I would know the truth. You may think that using an artichoke is a silly example, and maybe it is. But how many opportunities, relationships, adventures or any other life situation have you just said no to because you were invested in a false truth about yourself? I used to think because I was a woman, had tattoos, didn’t have a degree, etc… that I couldn’t be effective in doing what I love most, helping people. But I was Vulnerable enough to put my limiting beliefs which came from other people to the test and see what MY TRUTH was. I am so happy that I was able to tackle so many of my Victim thoughts which became Villain thoughts and actions with being Vulnerable. Being Vulnerable has allowed me to become Vested in many TRUE TRUTHS which have replaced the false truths I was so invested in keeping. I hope the same for you.
I know that I have quickly gone through these items above, again… this is a blog post. But I was compelled to write the post this morning, and so I did. I wish for you all a journey of self discovery and VESTED truths to be confirmed. I wish you joy and prosperity as you continue your day.
Author: The Five V’s: A Guide to Empowerment & Happiness; Written with Love by A Modern Day Spiritual Warrior